Tending to the Toxicity of our Times

There is no denying that we are living in a time of extreme dysregulation that is bringing out the worst in many of us. What are we to do about it? The “good” news is that what we are experiencing — as painful as it is — is a natural reaction to the difficulty of recent years and lingering chaos and uncertainty that remain. Our neurobiology is wired to act in this way. The not-so-good news is that, in general, people are ill-equipped to deal with such high levels of anger, grief, and overwhelm in a healthy way. We are reacting to the moment rather than responding to the moment. Richard Rohr, OFM, says it best: “If we do not transform our pain, we transmit it.” It begins in our bodies, feeds into our thoughts, bleeds into our relationships, and ultimately spills out to the collective. 

As leaders, we have a responsibility to tend to our emotional state, while also being called to hold space for others to do the same. For each of us, this moment is an opportunity to model a better response to the multitude of challenges we are facing.

Name. Normalize. Navigate. If we are to navigate life’s difficulties well, we must begin by first naming and finding healthy expressions of our lived experience. Otherwise, we simply deny, resist, numb, or power through. While sometimes useful or necessary in the short term, in the long run it produces disastrous results. Just look around.

Jack Kornfield reminds us that “our first task is to make our own heart a zone of peace. Instead of becoming entangled in an embattled bitterness or cynicism that exists externally, we need to begin to heal those qualities within ourselves. We must face our own suffering, our own fear, and transform them into compassion. Only then can we become ready to offer genuine help to the outside world.” Albert Camus affirms this by acknowledging, “We all carry within us our places of exile. Our task is not to unleash them on the world; it is to transform them in ourselves.”

Responding rather than reacting – our own transformation – begins with a conscious choice one leader at a time. But here’s the catch. For it to benefit others beyond ourselves, this work is best done in community. Fellowship with others empowers us to gain perspective, find compassion, and deepen our levels of resilience through the potent power of social connection.  

Contrary to how most of us have been conditioned, we do not have the power to “fix” or “change” one another. The incredible power we do have is to learn to journey well together. To journey forward with a sense of fellowship and shared mission of co-creating a more compassionate, sustainable, and equitable world. Even when confusion abounds, and especially when the way ahead is unknown. 

Each of us has a critical role to play by first creating within our own heart a “zone of peace” and then extending it to those around us during this collective moment of need. Our future depends on it. I am convinced that the ripple effect will be powerful, transformational, and restorative. Let us begin today.